Mascot #3: Hink the Bulldog

Butler’s Hink the Bulldog

Name (9): Too bad Tony’s last name wasn’t Hankle, because Hank the Bulldog sounds like a very handy terrier.  Hink is a nice name, and the best part is no one else has it, because it’s something that is theirs and theirs alone.

In a fight (5): If you give him Blue II on his side, he might have a fighting chance.  But Hink suffers from several problems, not least of which is the giant Werther’s Originals hanging off his face that will attract predators, specifically the old geriatric Phoenix. Having an abnormally-sized head also makes him top-heavy, so he’s an easy takedown for attackers.  He can also trip over his own buddy Blue, as happened here last year.

Relevance (10): Like Phlash, Hink is a bulldog.  Butler’s teams are the Bulldogs.  Can’t go wrong here.

Love-ability (4): He loses points by association to Blue II, because Blue II is so damn lovable.  Also, if kids get to close, the head might fall and crush a youngster. I don’t think manslaughter is very lovable.

Style (6): Gotta love the basketball jersey, but Andrew Smith? What, Garrett Butcher’s jersey couldn’t fit you, Hink?  The dog collar is a nice touch, if a little too masochist for me.  The flipped up ball cap is a little too early nineties volleyball movie as well.  On a sidekick sidenote on Side Out, I bet C. Thomas Howell does look a little like Blue II nowadays without copious amounts of movie make-up.

This was a very scientific study that I’ve been putting together for years.  In no way did I spend just one hour on a Monday night in August building my rankings.  Mascots are rated in five sections, and in each of those sections they can score anywhere from 1 to 10.  The points, added up in the end, set their ranking.  I was helped by high ranking members from each Horizon League university in this highly scientific process.  These should not be viewed as my own ideas but those of a collective group of non-biased, PhD-holding scholars.

The categories are: Name, In a Fight, Relevance, Love-ability and Style.  The name is self-explanatory, In a Fight is how they would fare in combat, Relevance is how they fit their institution, Love-ability is the capacity for love kids and fans have for their mascot, and Style is all about trying to dress the best (which would be Villanova’s mascot, Jay Wright).

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